Don Biggly's Tremendous Exit Strategy

Fictional political satire: not a real statement, quote, recording, or event report.

A luxury emergency in ten levels

The ship is sinking. The exit is three feet away. Unfortunately, the exit is free.

Get Don to the exit. Sell him a revenue scheme or exploit his need for status. He will find a worse reason to agree. Your choices come back on the final receipt.

Ten scenes. Dark comedy. Strong language. Everyone else has a rescue plan.

Begin the Departure

Ego 21–94: he cooperates. Too low: sulking. Too high: another gift shop.

Reality below 80: keep him moving. Flattery lowers it.

Three Gold Stars: +10 Ego, −35 Reality when he stalls. Flattery still works when they run out.

Calm Seas mode: no timers, same disaster. Switches on automatically if your device prefers reduced motion.

Voyage complete, in the legal sense

Final Score

Everyone else is ashore. Don is three feet from the free exit. He has chosen to remain.