01 / The introduction
Bronze Bunker
A folder with somewhere to sit.
$99 / month membership
Plus financing from $20,000. Fictional offer.
- One gold-effect presentation folder
- A seat facing the founder’s portrait
- Your name printed on the customer line
A personal invitation from Don Biggly
A place in history.
With your name
on it.
Don Biggly
Founder. His name is on everything.
“Bring the family. We have a beautiful place for the family. Other hotels give you a key. Tiny little key. We give you a gold folder. Look at the size of it. That's ownership.”
$249 preview experienceFictional price. No booking or charge.
Fictional political satire — not a real statement, quote, recording, or event report.
$249
PRESENTATION COPY / THE OFFER IS FICTION.
The preview experienceFictional price. No booking. No charge.
01 / The presentation
First, a few
excellent questions.
Five questions. Your answers shape Don’s pitch and the paperwork at the end.
Take your time. The folder isn’t going anywhere.
Just show me the membershipsThe qualificationFive questions
What brings you to Booze on Hormuz?
Don’s response
Read the note
Earlier exchanges
No answers yet.
02 / Choose your membership
Everyone gets a folder.
Not everyone gets the same font.
Choose a package to hear the pitch and update the fictional numbers. Membership is separate from financing.
02 / The distinction
Gold Folder Club
Your name, near a larger name.
$1,499 / month membership
Plus financing from $120,000. Fictional offer.
- Your name embossed beneath Don’s
- Priority seating at the renewal desk
- A gold clasp on the standard folder
03 / The elevation
Admiral’s Circle
Command a view. Receive a bill.
$4,999 / month membership
Plus financing from $780,000. Fictional offer.
- An Admiral title printed on your folder
- A marina-view seat in the sales office
- A ceremonial key with no matching lock
Don reviews your selection
“Three levels. I named every one. The builders still want plans.”
The note
Select a membership to inspect its offer.
03 / The property
The amenities.
He thought of the invoice.
Explore eight stops on the tour, then choose one to include in your fictional package.
The interactive tour is unavailable. Browse the memberships above or watch the premiere below.
Illustrative resort plan. Entirely fictional. Select a stop to read its offer.
Inside the property
Your private tour
Don’s pitch
Choose a stop to hear what makes it exclusive.
The operational detail
The tour is included. Ownership is a separate question.
No amenity selected.
View another amenity04 / A small matter of paperwork
Now, the numbers.
Every single one.
Adjust the fictional offer. Check the monthly payment, the full term, and what you actually receive.
$20,000$780,000
9.9%49.9%
10 years99 years
Fictional fixed-rate illustration. Membership is charged separately each month for the selected term. Nothing is purchased or accepted.
The full pictureFICTIONAL
- Monthly loan payment
- —
- Monthly membership
- —
- One-time fictional fees
- $374
- Total over the full term
- —
What is included in the total?
The illustration includes loan repayment, membership for the full term, a $249 preview fee and a $125 folder fee. An optional fictional refund request adds a $250 dispute fee, only after you explicitly request it. No real payment is made.
Don, on the terms
“Ninety-nine years. I gave you ninety-nine. The deed stays with me.”
The note
The full term matters.
Your selections. Don’s promises. The actual paperwork.
Your gold folder
Booze on Hormuz / Ownership record
An impressive document.
SPECIMEN
Don promised
The paperwork says
Your fictional total—
Your selections
The presentation record
Don’s closing argument
Optional. Adds the disclosed $250 fictional dispute fee.
Don, on refunds
Fictional political satire — not a real statement, quote, recording, or event report.
05 / The evidence
He brought
supporting material.
The premiere and a few statements that made it past reception.
01 / The premiere · VideoWho the Hell
Who the Hell
Is Don Biggly?
The man behind the folder submits to an interview.
Open the watch libraryThe quotation file
Eight statements.
You control the record.
“Other hotels give you a key. We give you a gold folder.”
1 / 8
Letters from the membershipFour fictional testimonials
At your service
A word with
the concierge.
Three questions. Don answers them all. The concierge keeps the keys.
For the rest of the story, visit Search.