Who the Hell Is Don Biggly?

I’m Don Biggly. The most decorated hospitality visionary anywhere near an active geopolitical incident. Decorated? We ran out of jacket. Had to put medals on the lining. My people checked every metric they were willing to sign. The others were dismissed. Very unreliable numbers.

I have honorary degrees from very important institutions. They’ve requested privacy. Some have requested their seals back. You don’t give somebody a degree and then ask what he graduated from. I graduated from success. The ceremony was at my hotel. Everybody paid.

They said the hat makes me a captain. I said, “Admiral.” I awarded myself the promotion. Who knows my qualifications better than me? Nobody. The tailor said the uniform was the only verifiable part. Beautiful endorsement. We put it on the brochure.

Booze on Hormuz started with a coastline. Wonderful coastline. Everybody else saw danger. I saw waterfront without competing bids. They said, “Don, that’s an exclusion zone.” I said, “Exactly. Finally, somebody understands luxury.”

Now look what we’ve built. A shrimp tower visible from two countries. One country complained. We added another level. They’re still looking at it. That’s market penetration.

The financing is very sophisticated. You borrow against tomorrow’s headlines. If the news gets worse, your view gets better. Our concierge handles luggage, dinner reservations, and any question beginning with “Can they legally.” Same desk. Different jacket.

My counsel handles the record. I handle the gold folder. He says I shouldn’t summarize his advice. Very jealous of my ability to summarize. I told him we should put “LEGALLY REVIEWED” on everything. He said, “Reviewed doesn’t mean approved.” I said, “Then make REVIEWED bigger.”

My philosophy is simple. Be together. Be inspired. Be briefed by counsel. Beautiful card. Thick card. You can’t fit it in a wallet, so you have to carry it around. People see my name. I thought of that.

A fuller biography is coming. I’ve selected a very independent writer. He reports directly to me. Every chapter will be checked, improved, and, where necessary, replaced with photographs.

We’re doing the cover first. Huge portrait. No room for the charges. Shipping charges. My lawyer made me add that.