On the record
Quotes
“They called it locker-room talk. Very unfair to locker rooms. Most men go in there after doing something athletic. I went straight to the sexual-harassment portion of the workout.”
“Puerto Rico, I threw the paper towels. Beautiful throw. They wanted infrastructure. You can’t throw a fucking power grid. Nobody appreciates the practical limitations.”
“Family separation, terrible. Then they started separating my name from the policy. Much better. Same policy, but suddenly I could sleep. You have to take care of families. Mine, specifically.”
“I asked about disinfectant inside the body. Asked. Suddenly everybody’s a doctor. The bottle says it kills everything, but apparently I’m the asshole for asking about the remaining market.”
“I held up the Bible. They wanted me to open it. Then what? Follow it? These people see one photograph and suddenly they think they can renegotiate the whole fucking arrangement.”
“The hurricane map, beautiful map. One little line and the weather people lose their shit. They can redraw the forecast every six hours. I make one correction and suddenly geography needs a lawyer.”
“McCain survived captivity. People say that takes courage. Fine. Try telling a room full of veterans you’re unimpressed. I did that without even checking where the fucking exits were.”
“They wouldn’t let me host the G7 at Doral. Seven world leaders, all that money, and I’m supposed to stand there with my dick in my hand while somebody else gets the room bookings?”
“I didn’t want people panicking. So I told Bob Woodward how bad it was. Privately. Into a recorder. The man writes books about presidential disasters. I thought, finally, somebody who understands my market.”
“The Fifth Avenue thing, everybody focused on the shooting. Nobody discussed customer retention. You say one little murder and suddenly the business schools get fucking squeamish.”
“The Central Park Five were exonerated. Fine. But I paid for a full-page ad. Full page. You want me to admit I was wrong at those fucking advertising rates?”
“They said I mocked the reporter. I demanded an apology. From him. That’s where amateurs fuck up. They spend the whole scandal defending themselves. I send an invoice.”