Sponsor Reads / A fictional commercial break

McTrumps™

Come for the burger.
Leave with an indictment.

Don Biggly has put on the clown makeup. Management considers this a promotion.

Fictional political satire — not a real statement, quote, recording, or event report.

Meet the management Speak to the manager

Five commercials · 3 minutes 25 seconds · No mandatory ad break.

Don Biggly in red clown makeup, the fictional face of McTrumps

THE FACE OF CUSTOMER SERVICE

The commercial break

Five messages.
One conflict of interest.

Five departments. One manager. Every complaint gets his autograph.

Commercial 01 / Brand standards

Welcome to McTrumps

A close-up of Don in clown makeup welcomes you to McTrumps. The burger comes with two patties, onions and lawsuits. He has been asked to stop mentioning the lawsuits. He finds this very sad.

The producer’s note

The onions passed legal review.

Next commercial

0:39 · Fictional McTrumps commercial · Don Biggly in clown makeup.

Read the scene summary

Fictional political satire — not a real statement, quote, recording, or event report.

A close-up of Don in clown makeup welcomes you to McTrumps. The burger comes with two patties, onions and lawsuits. He has been asked to stop mentioning the lawsuits. He finds this very sad.

Creator-described scene. A verbatim transcript will be added from the finished video.

Commercial 02 / Leadership development

Billy’s Birthday. Don’s Business.

Don sits in the ball pit with Billy, turning Grandma’s birthday money into a leadership consulting fee. The party develops an alarming amount of paperwork. Billy has several reasons to stop signing.

The producer’s note

The ball pit has a collections department.

Next commercial

0:35 · Fictional McTrumps commercial · Don Biggly in clown makeup.

Read the scene summary

Fictional political satire — not a real statement, quote, recording, or event report.

Don sits in the ball pit with Billy, turning Grandma’s birthday money into a leadership consulting fee. The party develops an alarming amount of paperwork. Billy has several reasons to stop signing.

Creator-described scene. A verbatim transcript will be added from the finished video.

Commercial 03 / Human resources

Working Under Supervision

Don holds court at a desk in the McTrumps lobby. His probation officer will not give him credit for working. Don’s solution: buy the restaurant.

The producer’s note

He acquired the employer. The requirement remained.

Next commercial

0:46 · Fictional McTrumps commercial · Don Biggly in clown makeup.

Read the scene summary

Fictional political satire — not a real statement, quote, recording, or event report.

Don holds court at a desk in the McTrumps lobby. His probation officer will not give him credit for working. Don’s solution: buy the restaurant.

Creator-described scene. A verbatim transcript will be added from the finished video.

Commercial 04 / Payroll

Employee Appreciation Day

Don names himself Employee of the Month, asks the staff to buy his plaque, and keeps their appreciation fund as a performance bonus. Payroll requests clarification. Everyone receives a souvenir.

The producer’s note

Staff funded the recognition. Don recognized the funds.

Next commercial

0:52 · Fictional McTrumps commercial · Don Biggly in clown makeup.

Read the interview script

Fictional political satire — not a real statement, quote, recording, or event report.

Employee Appreciation Day. Tremendous day. Very important. Especially for me.

They said, “Sir, we should recognize the employees.”

I said, “Absolutely. Start with your best one.”

So I named myself Employee of the Month. Unanimous decision. I was the only judge. Very qualified.

Beautiful plaque. Solid gold-looking. I told the staff, “You buy it. It's an honor to contribute.”

They passed around an envelope. Everybody gave something. Some gave twenty. Some gave fifty. One gave nothing. We're looking into him.

Then payroll said, “Sir, that's the employee appreciation fund.”

I said, “Correct. And I'm the employee being appreciated.”

So I kept the envelope. Performance bonus. Tax people will figure it out.

And the staff? They got something much more valuable.

A photograph of me holding their money.

Unsigned. I'm not running a charity.

Commercial 05 / International development

The Tehran Franchise

The same clown, the same desk, a McTrumps lobby in Tehran. Don admires marble bars on the playground and remains spectacularly out of touch with the scene around him.

The producer’s note

He inspected the finish. That was the inspection.

Back to the welcome

0:33 · Fictional McTrumps commercial · Don Biggly in clown makeup.

Read the scene summary

Fictional political satire — not a real statement, quote, recording, or event report.

The same clown, the same desk, a McTrumps lobby in Tehran. Don admires marble bars on the playground and remains spectacularly out of touch with the scene around him.

Creator-described scene. A verbatim transcript will be added from the finished video.

Customer relations

Ask for the manager.
You already met him.

Three questions. Don answered all of them before hearing them.

Fictional political satire — not a real statement, quote, recording, or event report.

Can I see an itemized receipt?

Don’s response

Of course. Beautiful receipt. Burger. Onions. My name. Biggest item. They wanted a total. I said, “People know what they paid. They need to know who to thank.”

The desk note

The total is on the back. Under his signature fee.

Where did the employee appreciation fund go?

Don’s response

Look at the photograph. I’m holding the envelope. You can see where it went. That’s transparency. They want the money back too? Always another benefit.

The desk note

Proof of receipt. For the recipient.

Is there someone above the manager?

Don’s response

There’s a portrait above the manager. Me. If you don’t like the answer down here, look up. Same man. Better lighting. That’s escalation.

The desk note

Your complaint has been forwarded to the frame.

Elsewhere in the sponsor file

Other excellent
conflicts of interest.

The original fictional sponsors remain in the collection.

Hormuz Premium Yacht FuelFull tank. No chain of custody.

Discovery Shredding Co.Documents handled. Memories discouraged.

Panic Room RealtyThe panic room counts as a second bedroom.

Legal-Ish Insurance GroupCovers everything except what actually happened.

Visit Don’s resort ↗Try an exit strategy ↗Back to the counter ↑

McTrumps and Don Biggly are fictional parody. No affiliation with or endorsement by McDonald’s or its characters. No food, consulting, franchises or financial services are offered here.